They're Why I'm Dead.

This tongue-in-cheek paper represents that ideal and fictitious being, "Joe Personnel", as envisioned by critics of regularly-organized student personnel services. They contend that, since people have, for centuries, handled their own problems, they should be capable of doing so today, and that any assistance needed can be provided by a single campus functionary, "Joe Personnel". "Joe" is expected to combine the devotion of James Conant, the enthusiasm and wit of Bob Hope, the knowledge of Don Super and Carl Rogers, and the compassion of Albert Schweitzer--in short, he must be Socrates, Christ and Dear Abby rolled into one. His need to function constantly and mechanically in behalf of all the students on campus wears him out so that he dies at an early age, declaring his wish to be buried deep, with "the computer at his feet, the typewriter over his empty heart cavity, and the telephone at his head.""Tell the Administration," wails Joe's epitaph, "they're why I'm dead." (Author/CJ)