Lines in the Shifting Sand: The Implications of Being Tolerated

Tolerating others' ways of life is often promoted in diverse societies as a way to live together in harmony. In this research, we examine what it is like to be tolerated from the perspective of various minorities. Being tolerated means that one's way of life is not appreciated, but that one can still live as one wishes. In the first empirical chapter, we interviewed trans people in the Netherlands and found that being tolerated can be a confusing and difficult experience which gives the impression that one is not appreciated. In the next chapter, we found that among ethnic minorities in the United States, being tolerated feels worse than being accepted, but feels better than being rejected. In the third empirical chapter, among ethnic minorities in the Netherlands, we additionally found that tolerance affects well-being due to how it influences people's sense that they are included within the larger group. In the last empirical chapter, we found that when people are tolerated within a group, their interactions are characterized by less trust and less ability to speak up for themselves compared to being accepted, but are more positive compared to being rejected. Overall, we conclude that being tolerated can bring up strong feelings of uncertainty among the tolerated; that tolerance is experienced as in between acceptance and rejection; and finally that it matters what tolerance is compared to - when compared to rejection, it is better to be tolerated, but tolerance is not as beneficial as being fully accepted.