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Read in the light of the best selling books by John Gray and Deborah Tannen concerning communication between the sexes, three ancient tests—two from Hebrew Scripture and one from ancient Iraq—teach primarily by illustration how not to dialogue with one's spouse, one's friend, or one's boss. Rereading these ancient texts in the light of what John Gray Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus [New York: Harper Collins, 1992] calls “advanced relationship skills” reveals vital lessons, which can be applied to improve the quality of life at home, in the workplace, and God help us, in the house of mourning.