RESPONSE TO "JUST IN LOVE"

This article presents the author's response to the comments of Frank Pittman about his essay entitled Thinking About Romantic/Erotic Love. Surely no observer of human beings would argue that romantic/erotic love does not fluctuate or that it is consistently present in a long relationship. The qualities that Gottman describes are important, but love and desire are resources which make the other person special and thus the relationship worth working to preserve. Pittman states that my most compelling concern is my frustration with marriages which are loveless albeit necessary for security, comfort, or family relationships. it is not I who am frustrated with these relationships, it is the couple. They want something more. Pittman would say they should be satisfied with what they have; I do not know whether or not they should be, but I do know that they are entitled to consider the dangers and rewards of a search for more. It is not always the case that decisions made early, or at any time, in a life will work over the long haul. Finally, I would add that I am struck with how similar Pittman's list of treatment techniques is to the one offered in my paper. I would only slightly alter Pittman's closing comment to say that the qualities of the love that exists between a couple and the secrets and lies that each partner may harbor are both important to ask about.