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STUDY QUESTION What are disclosure intentions and experiences of heterosexual parents with children born after assisted donor insemination (DI) or IVF with donor sperm (dIVF)? SUMMARY ANSWER Only 16.5% of Finnish DI/dIVF heterosexual parents had told their child of his/her origin; 18% of all children above 3 years of age had received the information. Parents with older children were more unwilling to tell or were more uncertain regarding what to do than parents with younger children. WHAT IS KNOWN ALREADY In general, 10–35% of parents of DI offspring are willing to inform their child about their conception. Men who need donor sperm to become a father are more secretive than women who need donated oocytes and are less willing to participate in counselling about parenthood. In the past, couples conceiving through gamete donation were adviced to maintain secrecy or sufficient advice on information sharing was not available. Evidence suggests that parental attitudes are moving towards greater openness. In 2007, Finland enacted a law on assisted fertility treatments (1237/2006) stating that gamete donors have to register their identifying information in a registry so that at the age of 18 years, offspring can obtain information about their donor. STUDY DESIGN, SIZE AND DURATION This retrospective questionnaire study included 139 mothers and 127 fathers with altogether 240 children born after DI or dIVF during 1992–2007. PARTICIPANTS, SETTING AND METHODS Questionnaires were sent to heterosexual couples who had undergone DI/dIVF treatment at the Väestöliitto Fertility Clinic in Helsinki resulting in live birth (n = 277, 252 mothers and 239 fathers). The parents were asked to report their disclosure intentions towards the child and towards other people about the decision to use donated sperm, their concerns about donor characteristics, their evaluation of the counselling that they received and their views about the current Finnish assisted reproduction law. MAIN RESULTS AND THE ROLE OF CHANCE The response rate was 55% (139/252) among the mothers and 53% (127/239) among the fathers. Answers provided information on 58% (240/415) of the children born, 91% of whom were at least 3 years old at the time. Of all parents, 16.5% reported that they had already told their child of his/her conception. Of all 240 children, 16.3% had already received information about their conception. The children had been between 3 and 14 years of age (mean 6.8 years) when they were told. Parents of older children were significantly more unwilling to tell their child than parents of younger children (P < 0.005). No difference in disclosure between DI and dIVF emerged. Less than half of the parents (42%) had been satisfied with the psychological support offered to them, with parents of older children having been most dissatisfied. LIMITATIONS, REASONS FOR CAUTION Although the response rate was relatively high, more than 40% of the parents chose not to participate. As has been shown before, it is likely that those who do not take part are less inclined to disclose and this should be taken into consideration when conclusions are drawn. WIDER IMPLICATIONS OF THE FINDINGS Our results on disclosure rates are in agreement with previous studies. General attitudes have moved towards greater openness about the use of donated gametes. Furthermore, the availability of psychological counselling before treatment has increased the understanding of the importance of disclosure. People who have become parents after DI or dIVF should also be offered counselling after the child has been born. STUDY FUNDING/COMPETING INTERESTS This study was supported by grants from the Wilhelm and Else Stockmann Foundation and the Medical Society Life and Health. TRIAL REGISTRATION NUMBER None. [ABSTRACT FROM AUTHOR]