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Purpose – A satirical reflection on the perils of conference paper presentations. Design/methodology/approach – Poetic exposition. Findings – Highlights the traps into which conference paper presenters can sometimes unwittingly fall. Research limitations/implications – For effective presenting within strict time limits, a speaker can never be too prepared. Originality/value – Presents a visual picture of the dilemma and final crash that occurs when presenters fail to impose self-discipline in structuring and delivering to the audience they desperately want to reach. [ABSTRACT FROM AUTHOR]