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Background Patients’ relationship with their GPs is linked to adherence, patient behaviour and satisfaction with healthcare. Several factors pertaining to this relationship have already been identified, however expectations and preferences vary depending on age and diagnosis. Chronically ill elderly patients constitute a group of patients with specific needs that are not yet understood. Methods For this observational study, 100 (44 female, mean age 72.72 + − 8.28 years) patients were interviewed. Multiple linear or binary logistic regression as well as analysis of variance was used to understand the link between factors pertaining to GP relationship and patient behaviour, and principal component analysis was performed to understand the underlying structure of patients’ needs. Results Patients attribute high importance to their GP’s opinion of them. On average, what the GP thinks about the patients is almost as important as what their partners think. Patients primarily want to be perceived as engaged, friendly and respected individuals, and it is important for patients to be liked by their GP. This importance is linked to active preparation; 65% of the patients prepared actively for GP consultations. Expectations regarding GP consultations can be split into two components: a medical aspect with a subfactor concerning emotional support, and a social component. Prominent factors influencing the relationship are the possibility to talk about emotions and mental well-being, trust, and GP competency. Satisfaction and trust were mainly linked to medical competency. Being able to show emotions or talk about mental well-being enhances perceived GP competence, satisfaction, and active patient preparation. However, a focus on the social component such as frequent talking about private topics reduces both perceived GP competency as well as active patient preparation. Conclusion Older patients take GP consultations seriously, and their expectations regarding GP consultations focus on medical competence and care as well as empathetic listening and understanding. Older persons seek a deeper connection to their GPs and are willing to be active and cooperative. As the patient–GP relationship influences health outcomes, treatment of older patients should be adjusted to enable this active participation. Supplementary Information The online version contains supplementary material available at 10.1186/s12877-021-02469-3.