Search

ALREADY they are missing their family and friends. Robert Kilroy-Silk told Esther Rantzen that he had been asking the question: 'Why am I here?' He's not the only one. The man started out by bullying Carly Zucker, and now he has turned his attentions to Brian Paddick, accusing him of having come to gloat at the awful conditions in the Away camp. Brian swore that he hadn't, which elicited the most extraordinary two words so far from Robert: 'I apologise.' Make the most of it; you won't be hearing them a lot. Robert was bemoaning the fact that he had never spent more than four nights away from his wife in 48 years. [ABSTRACT FROM PUBLISHER]

LOVE it or loathe it, it's a programme that makes - and breaks - showbusiness careers. Our soap expert JACI STEPHEN takes a wry look at life in the I'm A Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here! jungle camp in the first of her regular dispatches on the latest series. [ABSTRACT FROM PUBLISHER]

AS BARACK Obama and the U.S. stood poised to make history on Tuesday night, another epoch-making event that did not make international headlines was taking place: I was preparing to enjoy the last day of my 40s. Ten years previously, I had been in London's Soho House on what I can honestly say was the happiest day of my life. Surrounded by family and friends, I felt blessed to have so many people in my life to share my big day. I could hardly believe that ten years had passed since that wonderful night as I stood again, poised at the edge of another decade and wondering where the time had gone. For weeks, I had been focused on this momentous day and wondering how I would mark it by doing something special, both in terms of the places and people that had meant something to me over the past ten years. [ABSTRACT FROM PUBLISHER]

ARE YOU a real man? That was the question I was forced to ask myself about my last boyfriend when, at the age of 37, he still expected his mother to cut the fat off his bacon when he went home to visit. He ate yoghurt with a teaspoon and cut his toast into strips before dipping it into the egg yolk. He took half an hour to iron one shirt. And he couldn't swim. He reckoned that he was a sensitive man whose ex-wife had only been unfaithful to him because he had been too good to her. 'I like women; I find them more interesting than men,' he said. The second my back was turned, he slept with a nurse. [ABSTRACT FROM PUBLISHER]

ON SUNDAY, it will be 19 years since I sent my last Father's Day card, and 18 years since the first Father's Day after Dad's death passed with a gut-wrenching sobbing and bitter resentment towards children buying cards and gifts for their dads. This year, as every other, those celebratory posters in shop windows still do not lose their impact. Even the online Apple Store, which I seem single-handedly to be keeping in business these days, is suggesting Father's Day gifts. 'Dad's digital power tools,' the site excitedly announces about the Mac and iPod. 'Exactly what he needs to enjoy the things he loves -- movies, music, photos and more.' [ABSTRACT FROM PUBLISHER]

THERE are so many questions Claire could have asked S'rAlan during her 12 weeks on The Apprentice, but no. She was clearly saving it all up for the final: 'Are we having three courses, S'rAlan?' As a special treat, S'rAlan had taken the four remaining finalists out to dinner. Alex was beside himself with joy at eating fillet steak and truffles, and he went up in my estimation when he was the only one of the group to thank the waiter when he poured him champagne. Lee could not stop smiling and declared S'rAlan 'a lovely guy … down to earth' (I always think the loveliest people are the ones writing the cheque). [ABSTRACT FROM PUBLISHER]

HANDS up if you didn't weep. Sorry, I don't believe you. As each act took the stage for the final of Britain's Got Talent on Saturday , this now great event in British entertainment could not fail to be an emotional spectacle. Each and every performer gave his or her -- and, in the case of Gin the collie, its -- all. Some had beaten long odds to get there, not least the winner, 14-year-old break-dancer George Sampson, who developed his art busking on the streets of Manchester but failed to reach the final stages last year. Sobbing his little heart out when he was declared the winner, this extraordinarily talented boy still managed to get it together enough to perform again at the end of the show. [ABSTRACT FROM PUBLISHER]

ASIDE from all the minidramas that The Apprentice has given us, one story stands out above all others: the taming of the shrew. In ten weeks, Claire has transformed herself from an insensitive, gobby harpy, into a creature of perfectly malleable material -- exactly the substance S'rAlan is looking for to fit into his organisation. At this stage, he said, that is the key issue. With this in mind, you can see the logic behind his previous firings. Entertaining as Raef was, you can't really see him anywhere other than behind the counter at Moss Bros. As for the two Jennys, the only place you would want to see them was hung, drawn, quartered and roasted on a spit. [ABSTRACT FROM PUBLISHER]

LOVE, romance and the Birmingham NEC. Do those words really belong in the same sentence? And on the day your boyfriend or girlfriend proposed, would your 'Yes' instantly be followed by a cry of 'Ooh, we must pop along to the Birmingham NEC to plan the big day'? Maybe I'm a bit of a sceptic, but any path in life that begins its journey on the M42 is doomed as far as I'm concerned. So you had to feel sorry for the contestants this week as they embarked upon their latest task -- representing two suppliers and manufacturers at the National Wedding Show, an annual event held at the NEC. [ABSTRACT FROM PUBLISHER]

BASICALLY, your personality has been so badly constructed, the only thing to do is knock it down and start again.' That, 18 years ago, was my first introduction to therapy. I had left a teaching job in Wales and arrived in London to pursue my dream of being a fulltime writer. I knew just two people, both actors, and we shared three rooms in a bedsit in Archway. I was, and had been for some years, very depressed following the breakdown of a long-term relationship. Now I had no job, few friends and £17 a week to live on in the country's most expensive city. The Tavistock Clinic had been suggested as the ideal place to go to find out exactly what kind of therapeutic treatment might suit my condition. It was after three interview sessions that I received the scathing assessment of my personality. [ABSTRACT FROM PUBLISHER]

SIR Alan Sugar lost patience with the bitching and backbiting on The Apprentice last night … by giving the two Jennys their marching orders Jenny Celerier, near left, and Jennifer Maguire, had been criticised for their scheming ruthlessness on the BBC1 show. But in defeat, both remained defiant. Miss Celerier, who has returned to her old job as a sales manager, said: 'I make no apology. I am hugely competitive, focused and determined.' [ABSTRACT FROM PUBLISHER]

LAST night's episode of The Apprentice saw the remaining 11 hopefuls battle it out for a job with Sir Alan Sugar. Kevin Shaw became the latest contestant fired. Here, TV critic Jaci Stephen passes her judgment on the contestants. ON THE day that Lucinda finally leaves the Apprentice house (let's call it the Big Bother house, now that the rows have escalated), let's hope that S'rAlan puts in a call to some mates at Louis Vuitton before she takes the final walk of shame. How else is she going to be able to escort her clothes in that tiny, single piece of luggage off the premises? [ABSTRACT FROM PUBLISHER]

LAST night's episode of The Apprentice saw15 hopefuls battling it out for a job with Sir Alan Sugar. Shazia Wahab -- who was recently embroiled in allegations of sex and race discrimination against her former City bosses -- became the next contestant to be fired. Today, TVcritic Jaci Stephen launches a regular Thursday column in which she passes judgment on the contestants and their boardroom battles … [ABSTRACT FROM PUBLISHER]

HOW many more units? How many more days waking up feeling below par and unable to drag myself out of bed? How many more phone calls I cannot remember, or texts I regret sending? How many more hysterical crying fits in the early hours of the morning, alone, hating myself and wishing I was dead? How many more times that I am unable to remember how I got home or, indeed, who got me there? How many more sleazy chance encounters in public places, high on risk posing as sexual attraction? In short, what the hell will it take to bring me to my senses and make me see that I drink too much? [ABSTRACT FROM PUBLISHER]

AT 15, I was studying for my O-levels at Brynteg Comprehensive in Bridgend. I went to Hope Baptist Church youth club and took part in every church play, both at Christmas and Easter and several times throughout the year. I was Elvira in Blithe Spirit, Goods in Everyman; my brother was God (my mother, as Sunday School superintendent at the time, cast him). At 16, I was Welsh Public Speaking champion, a member of the National Youth Theatre of Wales, the school drama and creative writing clubs and, in the little spare time I had, did ballroom dancing. [ABSTRACT FROM PUBLISHER]

LET'S get this straight. Contrary to recent reports in a magazine, I did not once dispose of the contents of my stomach in a place 'not unadjacent to the ice fountain'. Nor did I damage my chairman's shoe at the Christmas party eight years ago. It was he who encouraged me to take part in a drinking game by said vodka ice fountain, the outcome of which was a kind of seasickness that resulted in me dashing across the ballroom, intercepted only by a waiter holding an ice bucket. No footwear was harmed in the making of that run. [ABSTRACT FROM PUBLISHER]

MY FIRST crush was on Eamonn Andrews. I was four years old and Eamonn was about 105 even way back then. He presented This Is Your Life, the studio-based TV show that celebrated the achievements of renowned individuals. I recall that Eamonn had very large teeth and smiled a lot; he also had a soft Irish lilt to his voice and it may be this that attracted me to him. So intense was my passion for Eamonn, I wrote him a letter. When he didn't reply, my mother cut his picture out of a magazine, signed it and posted it to me. A week later, I received a real one from the man himself and for a long time thought that my passion must have been requited, given that he had written to me twice. [ABSTRACT FROM PUBLISHER]

How much does the name Sam Fujiyama mean to anyone? Lovers of the pathology series Quincy will know him to be the poor devil stuck in the lab while Quincy takes to the road solving crimes and living it up at his friend's local Italian restaurant. Sam, played by Robert Ito, lives in his white coat and has a phone permanently stuck to his ear, into which he utters little more than 'I'll get on to it now, Quince'. Only once do I remember him having a storyline and it was really creepy. Day clothes made him look like a psychopath. Back in your box, Sam! There were Sams aplenty in Frankenstein, Jed Mercurio's updated version of the Mary Shelley classic. The biggest Sam of all was Dr Ed Gore, who I don't remember saying one word, which is strange for a medic. He was played by Benedict Wong, so you have to wonder why Orientals have such a raw deal when it comes to speaking parts in science dramas. [ABSTRACT FROM PUBLISHER]

There are very few reasons for staying in Britain these days, but top of the list has to be that so many Brits are moving abroad. The more I see of the crass, overweight, lobstertanned, monosyllabic dumbos on television, living it up in sunnier climes, stuffing their faces with English food, the more I welcome the Poles into our country — and not just for their plumbing skills. [ABSTRACT FROM PUBLISHER]

The celebrity chef is one of the great creations of our age. For my generation, it all began with Keith Floyd, whose on-screen drinking and joking with his cameraman brought a new energy to programming in general. The list grew longer: Gary Rhodes (the one with the pyramid of hair), Rick Stein (who fed more people with fish than Jesus at the feeding of the 5,000), Raymond Blanc (sexy and French), the Roux Brothers (cookery's double act, although not quite up there with Morecambe and Wise), Jamie Oliver (the cute one with a social conscience), Gordon Ramsay (the one who swears a lot but is a genius in the kitchen). And now we have Marco Pierre White in Hell's Kitchen: a giant of a man with big, staring, scary eyes, who looks like a cross between Attila the Hun and Godzilla. [ABSTRACT FROM PUBLISHER]

My only connection with the world of Rome was the very small part of Cinna the poet I once had in Shakespeare's Julius Caesar. I walked on stage, someone said something along the lines of 'Hey, that's Cinna the poet, stab him!' and bingo! I was knifed and dragged off again. The epic series Rome has much better parts for women, albeit ones that require them mainly to take off their clothes, service the men and do their sandwiches when they go off to war. There's Atia of the Julii (Polly Walker), who this week had to see her lover Mark Antony (James Purefoy) marry her daughter Octavia (Kerry Condon), purely for political reasons. Octavia wasn't too happy about the arrangement either, as she has been sleeping with Agrippa (Allen Leech), who is, by all accounts, a bit of a brothel man. Then there's Gaia (Zuleikha Robinson), a slave and a slut and plotting to kill her mistress Eirene's unborn child, having enjoyed a violent sex bout with her mistress's husband. [ABSTRACT FROM PUBLISHER]

THE fourth glass was a mistake. Finishing the fourth glass and going home via Chloe was an even bigger mistake. Some £7,744 later and washing down the shock with a glass of champagne provided by the shop (they really see me coming, these people), I was the proud owner of a pair of Chloe shoes, a handbag and a dress that, I was told, is one of just six in the world. [ABSTRACT FROM PUBLISHER]

FLYING is bad for your mental health. At least, it is if you're in 14C and the child in 14B has land-filled her 'comfort' bag four times before the plane has left the runway. Sitting next to someone performing what sounds like an over-the-top 'Et tu, Brute?' in an amateur production of Julius Caesar is no fun -- especially when you are facing well over two hours in the air listening to it. [ABSTRACT FROM PUBLISHER]

AFTER The Sopranos, 24, and Desperate Housewives another massively-hyped U.S.TV import arrived on our screens last night. Lost, a huge hit last year in America, tells the story of the survivors of an air disaster. Millions tuned in following a lavish advertising campaign. But what's it all about? And does it deserve all the hype? DAVID THOMAS picks through the debris to find the truth about Lost. And JACI STEPHEN gives her verdict on whether it will take off here or crash on landing. [ABSTRACT FROM PUBLISHER]

WHAT on earth is going on? Has there ever been so unlikely a married couple as Janet and Paul? [ABSTRACT FROM PUBLISHER]

HERE we go again. I don't know whether to laugh, cry or scream. Just months after its last run, 'I'm A Celebrity: Get Me Out of Here!' is back, with ITV yesterday announcing the latest batch of B-List celebrities who will be filling our every vacuous waking thought. [ABSTRACT FROM PUBLISHER]