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A daily diary study of married couples tested the hypothesis that automatic partner attitudes regulate self-protection for low, but not high, self-esteem people. For 14 days both partners reported trust in the other’s caring and perceived and actual rejecting and selfish behavior. On days after low self-esteem people reported less trust in their partner’s caring, those with more positive automatic partner attitudes perceived their partner to be less rejecting and selfish. They also engaged in less rejecting and selfish behavior toward their partner and their partner engaged in less selfish and rejecting behavior toward them. The current findings present the first evidence that automatic partner attitudes may help low self-esteem people inhibit the rejection sensitivity and distancing behaviors that too often undermine their relationships.

When presenting themselves to others, people attempt to create the impression that they possess socially desired traits. Verbally claiming to possess such traits is relatively simple, but making good on one’s promises by actually behaving in kind is more challenging. In particular, lower self-esteem individuals’ relational insecurity may undermine their ability to present themselves in a socially desired manner. The present research used a behavioral coding method to test these hypotheses. Participants filmed a brief introductory video in an evaluative, first impression situation. Independent sets of observers then coded participants’ verbal, nonverbal, and global self-presentations on two dimensions: communion/femininity and agency/masculinity. Results revealed that for both sexes, self-esteem was unrelated to participants’ ability to “talk the talk” by verbally describing themselves in a socially valued and gender-role specific manner, but was predictive of participants’ ability to “walk the walk” by actually behaving in kind.